duminică, 30 ianuarie 2011

Sister Sylvia!

(Florida) SC Newswire: Sister Sylvia, a practicing nun from Our Lady’s Pyretic Convent in Miami, has been adding a new “sense of self” to the concept of what nuns are capable of expressing under Vatican deontology. As a precursor to the new catechism of nun qualification, chastity can be sustained without having to forego one’s sexual appeal, per say. Sister Sylvia knows this, perhaps better than anyone, since she was selected out of 1,346 nuns from over 385 parishes around the globe to offer the Catholic Church a more tenable and practical marketing strategy in the face of increasing apostasy prompted by the “new atheist” movement.

“We’ve got to change our playing strategy,” said Father Simon of St. Timothy Church on 5400 SW Avenue. “With today’s youth leaving the church in droves, we need an angle that will freshen up the liturgy component, so to speak. Grotto of Lourdes, ascetic sensibilities and the Dominican Order are a bit much to place on a young woman who has already devoted her life to papal enclosure. What the church needs is a way to add a sense of excitement and modern flair without compromising the initial core values. I think we have found it with the attire, sultry gaze and mannerisms of Sister Sylvia.” In addition to abandoning the old principles of nunnery, a new “attitude” will be standard fare thanks to the impressions left by the latest nun of fun.

Miami’s hottest Sister is no stranger to the clientele that have been attending mass on a more frequent basis during the last few weeks. According to Sister Sylvia, many individuals have been approaching the cloister in hopes of spending some quality time in the church garden with "Our Lady of Torridity.” In fact, several members of the Discovery Institute have been spotted by SC reporters outside the nun’s chamber.

“I’ve been waiting all night for her to walk outside,” said William Dembski, the founder of Uncommon Descent and The Harry Potter Trilogy board game. “You wanna talk about design?! Uh, huh. I believe she is sufficiently complex enough to qualify.” Wild Bill is not the only one getting in on the visual action either. Senator Sam Brownback has been trying to outdo his opponents with scriptural references and attempting to be seen in public within walking distance of Sister Sylvia. “I just have to have a publicity photo taken with her so that I can prove to PZ Myers that biologists are not the only citizens driving sports cars and chasing supermodels at the taxpayer’s expense,” said the Senator. “Two can play at that game for sure.”

Despite the competition for her attention, Sister Sylvia is creating quite an alluring interpretation of monasticism.