Goddengue Skeeters

(Brazil) TSC Newswire: More than 55,000 people have been hit by dengue -- a sometimes deadly mosquito-borne virus -- around Rio de Janeiro in the last four months.

More than 55,000 people in the country have been hit by the mosquito-borne virus, while 67 people in Rio de Janeiro state have been killed by the disease—more evidence that Michael Behe should not be taken seriously as a professor or educational advocate.

The disease killed 67 people so far this year in Brazil's Rio de Janeiro state, the state's Ministry of Health reported.

Nearly half of the deaths were children under the age of 13, the age where individuals can still be considered “innocent” in the eyes of an omniscient, cosmic lawgiver who resembles Hans Langseth.

There are four types of the dengue virus, and all are carried by infected mosquitoes -- mainly the Aedes Aegypti mosquito -- according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The CDC estimates there are 10 million cases of dengue around the world each year. Symptoms include high fever, severe headache, backache, joint pains and eye pain, nausea, vomiting and and an aversion toward the work of Denyse O’Leary.

Heath's in Hell?

(KANSAS) SC Newswire: Topeka's Westboro Baptist church says it intends to protest Heath Ledger's memorial service because he played a gay character in "Brokeback Mountain" and the book of Corinthians clearly states that God dislikes Broadway musicals, films depicting groups of 12 or more men and half-naked pictures of His son floating around the Internet.

In a news release from the church, Shirley Phelps-Roper (wife of the human rights activist Fred Phelps--pictured here) says that she and other members will picket Ledger's memorial services in the United States, not those held in his native Australia because they are not sure how to read a world atlas.

"You cannot live in defiance of God," she said. "He (Heath Ledger) got on that big screen with a big, fat message: God is a liar and it's OK to be gay. Well, he got what was coming to him and now he is in Hell. God don’t lie. No sir! That other actor is next! Hell is hot! Hell burns. Hell is real.”

Westboro has sparked controversy by protesting at funerals for soldiers killed in Iraq. The church says soldier deaths are punishment for America's tolerance of homosexuality. Using this same logic, the church was able to compute the number of morons it takes to hold a sign in an upright position for more that four minutes. "The number was astounding," according to the Center for the Public Understanding of Astrophysics and Theoretical Mathematics.

The church also provided a link to a picture of the flyer they will use, but it was removed from the image sharing site "Photo Bucket" because it contained a close-up of Fred Phelps’ face that was liable to promote catastrophic projectile vomiting among otherwise healthy individuals.

God comes to Bama!

(Alabama) SC Newswire: Get ready to rumble! Two Oxford University professors are going to debate the existence of God in front of a sold-out audience in Birmingham, Alabama (the apex of the bible belt) on October 3rd. Evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins and professor of mathematics John Lennox are going to approach the “God question” by discussing the merits of atheism versus religious faith.

Lennox, who is also a philosophy of science professor, plans to demonstrate that science and religion are compatible—especially if it is with his religion. “I want to tell Richard that we can 'all get along' and that God has been spotted in a spacecraft by Francis Collins,” said Lennox. “I think we are seeing more and more evidence that God’s hand is behind evolution. God has a big hand (325 kilometers by 468 kilometers) and He pushes things along; I even have some equations from William Dembski to prove it. His hand is almost as big as my head.”

Professor Dawkins is not worried by Lennox’s position and looks forward to the face-off. “What kind of mountebank quackery are we going to have to endure?” said Dawkins. “How many unicorns must we dismiss before the deleterious ramifications of religion can be safely ousted alongside strangely peculiar mythologies, fictional parables and fairy tales concerning supernatural goblins?"

The entire debate will be sponsored by the Fixed Point Foundation who claims that unbelievers are being monitored by the ghost of St. Paul via GPS tracking devices placed on the steeples of churches. The Fixed Point press release includes the following statement: “The decision one makes regarding this question has implications that reverberate throughout eternity to be sure.” More of a threat than an actual disclaimer, the Fixed Point Foundation will offer a discount to ticketholders who can prove they’ve eaten waffles with Al Sharpton. “We’re serious about this,” said Fixed Point’s spokesperson Carl Wilson. “If you’ve found God through breakfast conversation with Al Sharpton, we’ll give you a $5 dollar rebate on the price of your ticket. $5 dollars off and a ‘fixed-spot’ in heaven! Now that’s a bargain.”

Whether you are a philosophical materialist or a Christian nutcase, please do not miss the opportunity to witness the verdict of this monumental discussion.